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Very good at pretending to be a Pirate Hooker. Pretending.

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Won. themorallycorruptfayeresnick, you have won.

Jenna’s dressing room lighting.

Jenna’s dressing room lighting.

Why no one is watching Fox’s ‘Terra nova’. And by no one, I mean me. So many dumb-dumbs like myself went ballistic for the idea of a TV show about DINOSAURS, TIME TRAVEL, and SPEILBERG. But after one episode of absolute bullshit drivel, there was no way in Hell one could sit through a whole season. But fuck the writing, amirite? What about the DINOSAURS, TIME TRAVEL and SPEILBERG??? Well it turns out they kinda pussied out on that too. So here’s some plot ideas yours truly would like to see happen on the show: DINO LASERS. Man and dinsosaur become one, agreeing upon a variety of lasers and other weaponry. Has great PEW-tential (as pictured above, in ‘Dino-Riders’) Teen girl forms bond with cute baby dinosaur, something something heartbreak (5 episode story arch, obvs) ACTUAL stories about dinosaurs ala ‘Walking With Dinosaurs’ / ‘Land Before Time’. ONE IS CALLED LITTLEFOOT? Christ I am tearing up right now. TIME TRAVEL. A new portal is built/found and people go between different time periods. A Triceratops with too much moxy finds itself in the 1920’s. Wears flapper dress. Shannon Doherty guest stars as a bitch/dinosaur-wrangler who can’t give any fucks, ever (personal request, this one) A flamboyant entrepreneur tries to sell dino-tainment by chaining up Iguanodons and forcing them to have tea-parties. They revolt. (Many smashed monocles) A new race of humans is found. They copy the entire plot of ‘Encino Man’ They name one of the new cavemen characters ‘EMMA STONE’. GET IT? It’s a reference to Halle Berry playing the character ‘SHARON STONE’ in ‘THE FLINSTONES’? REMEMBER THAT? Kristen Johnston is the leader. References 3rd Rock From The Sun constantly. End of list. MOney now?

Why no one is watching Fox’s ‘Terra nova’.

And by no one, I mean me. So many dumb-dumbs like myself went ballistic for the idea of a TV show about DINOSAURS, TIME TRAVEL, and SPEILBERG. But after one episode of absolute bullshit drivel, there was no way in Hell one could sit through a whole season. But fuck the writing, amirite? What about the DINOSAURS, TIME TRAVEL and SPEILBERG??? Well it turns out they kinda pussied out on that too. So here’s some plot ideas yours truly would like to see happen on the show:

  • DINO LASERS. Man and dinsosaur become one, agreeing upon a variety of lasers and other weaponry. Has great PEW-tential (as pictured above, in ‘Dino-Riders’)
  • Teen girl forms bond with cute baby dinosaur, something something heartbreak (5 episode story arch, obvs)
  • ACTUAL stories about dinosaurs ala ‘Walking With Dinosaurs’ / ‘Land Before Time’. ONE IS CALLED LITTLEFOOT? Christ I am tearing up right now.
  • TIME TRAVEL. A new portal is built/found and people go between different time periods. A Triceratops with too much moxy finds itself in the 1920’s. Wears flapper dress.
  • Shannon Doherty guest stars as a bitch/dinosaur-wrangler who can’t give any fucks, ever (personal request, this one)
  • A flamboyant entrepreneur tries to sell dino-tainment by chaining up Iguanodons and forcing them to have tea-parties. They revolt. (Many smashed monocles)
  • A new race of humans is found. They copy the entire plot of ‘Encino Man’
  • They name one of the new cavemen characters ‘EMMA STONE’. GET IT? It’s a reference to Halle Berry playing the character ‘SHARON STONE’ in ‘THE FLINSTONES’? REMEMBER THAT?
  • Kristen Johnston is the leader. References 3rd Rock From The Sun constantly.
  • End of list.
  • MOney now?
Thoughts while watching the trailer for Ashley Judd’s new TV Movie ‘Missing’: A NEW ASHLEY JUDD PROJECT - 19 TIMES I WILL WATCH THIS, 19 TIMES Missing son! Missing husband! DUH! It’s A-JUDD! She has to find her family in… … OH GOD, EUROPE, YES. There will be boats! Parkour! And flipped up cafe tables! SHE IS SECRETLY CIA!?? OF COURSE SHE IS, IT’S A-JUDD, BITCH. YES CHRIST, YES. Sean Bean is her missing husband - HE IS SECRETLY THE BAD GUY, HE IS SEAN BEAN, I CAN GUARANTEE YOU HE IS SECRETLY THE BAD GUY This trailer is 17,000 minutes long. THIS IS SOME TANTRIC SHIT …Remember that Wynona Judd reference in Bridesmaids? YES - an untrusting best friend!!! “You’re CIA??? WHO ARE YOU?”  “I’m the same person I always was!!! But just more Martial artsy, perfect aim, and lots of spicy enemies!” I’m going to cry? You know, all movies could be Ashley Judd thrillers and I would not make one complaint, I really would not. NOT ONE. ‘THE BABY KIDNAPPING: GHOST PROTOCOL’ ‘SECRET HUSBAND DIARIES’ ‘THERE’S A CAMERA IN MY VEGETABLE DRAWER’ ‘REVENGE OF THE VENGEANCE’ ‘WEEKNIGHT LADY KILLER’ ‘MOTHERLY BOND: GUN ATTACK-SHOOT’ ‘ANONYMOUS KILLER #MYKNIFEISTRENDING’ ‘NIGHT FAMILY’ Pray I may one day wear pants again. I am on lockdown, ladies and mens.

Thoughts while watching the trailer for Ashley Judd’s new TV Movie ‘Missing’:

  • A NEW ASHLEY JUDD PROJECT - 19 TIMES I WILL WATCH THIS, 19 TIMES
  • Missing son! Missing husband! DUH! It’s A-JUDD!
  • She has to find her family in… … OH GOD, EUROPE, YES. There will be boats! Parkour! And flipped up cafe tables!
  • SHE IS SECRETLY CIA!?? OF COURSE SHE IS, IT’S A-JUDD, BITCH. YES CHRIST, YES.
  • Sean Bean is her missing husband - HE IS SECRETLY THE BAD GUY, HE IS SEAN BEAN, I CAN GUARANTEE YOU HE IS SECRETLY THE BAD GUY
  • This trailer is 17,000 minutes long. THIS IS SOME TANTRIC SHIT
  • …Remember that Wynona Judd reference in Bridesmaids?
  • YES - an untrusting best friend!!! “You’re CIA??? WHO ARE YOU?” 
  • “I’m the same person I always was!!! But just more Martial artsy, perfect aim, and lots of spicy enemies!”
  • I’m going to cry?
  • You know, all movies could be Ashley Judd thrillers and I would not make one complaint, I really would not. NOT ONE.
  • ‘THE BABY KIDNAPPING: GHOST PROTOCOL’
  • ‘SECRET HUSBAND DIARIES’
  • ‘THERE’S A CAMERA IN MY VEGETABLE DRAWER’
  • ‘REVENGE OF THE VENGEANCE’
  • ‘WEEKNIGHT LADY KILLER’
  • ‘MOTHERLY BOND: GUN ATTACK-SHOOT’
  • ‘ANONYMOUS KILLER #MYKNIFEISTRENDING’
  • ‘NIGHT FAMILY’

Pray I may one day wear pants again. I am on lockdown, ladies and mens.

“ Yeah, Natalie Portman was so hot in that movie, I could make a Mila out of her Kunis
”
New Wayne’s World sketch on SNL! Ugh! I feel like a kid again, complete with chip crumbs and cereal dinners and arguments with my mirror.