CAN YOU DIE PLZ? What kind of a dirty, FILTHY creature finds a phone in a bar and decides to keep it INSTEAD of trying to get it back to the owner? It’s not even a nice phone? OMG I HAVE WHOREY MESSAGES ON THERE, GIVE IT BACK NOW GOD JESUS FUCK. Don’t you want to meet me? Find out who this guy is who has a Grace Jones screen background and “muffin top” as their ringtone? And a Transformers message alert sound? I’m amazing? It will probably be the best decision you’ve ever made? WANT A BLOWJOB?
I have a flu/AIDS, and am going to DIE. Here’s why this situation is so shit: I have cuntloads of work to do, there is a ban/drought* on flu products that contain pesudoephedrine, and I get EMOTIONAL when I am sick. Last time, I got all Beaches watching Oprah. Also, I mentioned I was aiming to do some dicking this weekend right? WELL, I just remembered that there’s a house party I’m meant to be going to on Saturday (A friggen house party, I know right?). LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH; GIVE ME PESUDOEPHEDRINE.
EDIT: *There IS some Coldrex left in Auckland, but it’s hard to find. It’s like that episode of Seinfeld with the sponges. Is my sore throat sponge worthy?
So I’m not normally much of a whore (No really). In fact I didn’t even get the hivvie while in Sydney, despite tonnes of trying. Yeah, I got my slut on, but it took a little while to get kick-started, bitch didn’t get laid till SATURDAY, one week in. So obviously I had some catching up to do. By the end of the holiday the dicking came to a total of six (…that I can remember). I have to say most where total hits, and new facebook friends (um, hi guys!). So maybe I won’t use names? Yeah good idea… SO, pros and cons:
1st guy: late twenties? Pro: Loved Transformers, con: didn’t ask to marry me.
2nd and 3rd guys: mide/late twenties, pros: sharing, cons: too much dick? Hah.
Siouxsie and the Banshees - Face to Face. This is the song I used to listen to before I went to bed for over ten years. From my favourite film of all time, it was a song that got me wet EACH and EVERY time. So you can imagine I was like putty, when I once went on a date (yeeeears ago), where after the meal and wine were done, the guy put on this song. INSTANT SLUTTUGE.
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