Extra firm hold

“I think I would have to say no because only 4% of flights get canceled and not rescheduled immediately. Just kidding. It’s not 4% it’s 80%. Just kidding. It’s like 2%, like milk. Oh no, I’m talking about dairy again! Just kidding. I’m not. Just kidding. I am. Just kidding. I have an obsession with cows. Just kidding. Cows have an obsession with me. Just kidding. Every time I go by a farm cows are like, “We’re obsessed with you!”. Just kidding. They’re just like, “Moo”. Just kidding. They’re like, “Get out of here you stink.” Just kidding. I was like, “You stink, you walk around in your poop all day.” and they are like, “It’s not my choice.” Just kidding. I know it’s not your choice, it’s my choice. Just kidding. It’s like I choose healthy choice frozen dinner. Now I’m Thai vegetable. Just kidding. It’s American vegetable at Butterbee. Just kidding. It’s Australian vegetable. “Yello, I’m a carrot!” Just kidding. I’m not Australian. Just kidding. I am. I was born in Melbourne. Just kidding. I was born in Harrisburg in a huge house. Just kidding. I was born in a small wagon. Just kidding. It was average size. Just a normal place to be born. Just kidding. I don’t remember anything from that day because I was a newborn. Just kidding. I was an old-born. Just kidding. I was Jason Bourne. Those movies are based on my life! Just kidding. They’re not. Just kidding. They are. Hey look over there. Just kidding. What I’m talking about is over there. Just kidding. Look down there because no one has in a while. Just kidding. My doctor has and he said, “Clean bill of health!” Just kidding. He said, “Clean it up.” And I said, “Whaaat?” Just kidding. And I said, “I’m not surprised.” Just kidding. I was surprised. I went like this. Just kidding. That’s my impression of Macaulay Culkin in “Home Alone”. Just kidding. This is my impression of him: “I can’t believe everyone left me, oh no, what does Joe Pesci want? Just kidding. I know what he wants. He wants what everybody wants. More 3D movies. Put on your glasses everybody - oaaahhhh. Just kidding. This is not for me. Just kidding. It is - oaaahhh. I feel like I’m there. Just kidding. I don’t know where I am. Just kidding. But I do know where I wanna be. Back in the US. Back in the US. Just kidding. Back in the USSR. Just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding.”

(via fuckyeahsnl)