Posts tagged Quotes
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“ Gayness is built into Batman. I’m not using gay in the pejorative sense, but Batman is very, very gay. There’s just no denying it. Obviously as a fictional character he’s intended to be heterosexual, but the basis of the whole concept is utterly gay. I think that’s why people like it. All these women fancy him and they all wear fetish clothes and jump around rooftops to get to him. He doesn’t care—he’s more interested in hanging out with the old guy and the kid.”
“ I’m going to go freshen up; the train was disgusting. I flew here, but I saw a train from the window.”
Diana Jessup. (via keyboardpubes) 30 Rock is bringin it back. Sorry I doubted you, my baby.
“ To all those drag queens who have been booed off stage - it’s just applause from ghosts”
Sharon Needles. I never thought I could love a Drag Race contestant this much.
“ Years ago, at Beige, Eartha Kitt and I were posing for a photo and she reached under my chin to put her hand on my cheek. Her finger accidentally went up my nose very quickly and scratched it to the point that I was bleeding. I ran away so she wouldn’t see what happened. I walked around with a dinner napkin up my nose for a while.”
Parker Posey (via goldenfiddle) Is there a way to reprogram Siri to just speak with Parker Posey’s voice? GPS? Subway Stations? Cereal commentary??? (The commentary of my cereal eating). Or what if I just perfect a Parker Posey impersonation I can use to attract birds/men/birdmen.
“ [In fact], the beard is the male equivalent of child bearing hips.”
What His Facial Hair Says About Him (via blaaargh) EXACTLY, every time I see a dude with a beard, I think, Dayumn. I wanna put my sperm all up in that.
“ It was reported that while on a trip to South Africa, singer Shakira was attacked by a sea lion after she got too close to it. And the story has to be true, because the story was reported by Shakira’s hips.”
Amy Poehler, Weekend Update. Best line on Weekend Update in 5,000,000 years!??
“ I would say that Fergie’s dress was perfect, but seeing it now, I will say it was brave of her to wear Beyonce’s after-birth.”
Joan Rivers on Fashion Police. She is KILLING IT. People are UPSET. Love it.
“ All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That’s how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.”
The Joker in Batman: The Killing Joke by Alan Moore (via forwhenifeellikesharing) 4:47AM. Saturday morning. I was fucking annoyed that I hadn’t slept a full 8 hours, not just now, but the night before as well. Zero hours. Zero hours is how many I slept on Thursday night. I decided that since I was fucking awake, I should do something about the power shortage that had happened right before I went to bed at 10PM on a Friday night. At that point I realised I hadn’t eaten AT ALL on Friday. As someone who checks PorchettaSandwhiches.com daily, this is cause for alarm. I flipped all the switches on the circuit board, checked they were working, and climbed back into bed. What in the fuck could I possibly do to not go insane right now. The sanest thing seemed to be to imagine what a live action Pokemon Movie would look like. It worked (the strategy, not the movie, obviously. Rock monsters that get fucked up from a little water spritz? Pah-lease).
“ Touch me.” Diana leaned down slowly and brushed Rebecca’s bare stomach with her fingertips. It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. In Rebecca’s mind, she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises. They were all around her, flopping all around and slapping her face. It was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises.”
“ BUT CAN SHE DISH THE BISH!?”
Eight hours I have been awake today, and all I’ve written is this one catch-phrase, and an X-Factor sketch. Seriously though, ask your doctor today if your close girlfriends can ‘dish the bish’.
“ Saw this movie with the wife for the first time recently….. man this chick flick isn’t so bad. (Liked the movie so much I actually spent time to edit this scene and upload it.)”
Caption from the youtube video ‘Beaches - Climatic Scene’.
“ Suck me dry, beautiful. Everyone makes mistakes”
Scott Disick to Kourtney Kardashian. It just strikes me as SO Patrick Bateman. (via whydoihaveablog) Scott Disick is my life coach. Just kidding! (but like… maybe)
“ Oscar the Grouch’s pulse was weak but steady, which was a relief to all of his friends from Sesame Street who were crowded in the tiny hospital room. It was crowded because his life as an itinerant vagrant with an unemployable trash fetish had left him penniless and unable to cover his medical bills, and there were fucking heaps of medical bills, because Oscar the Grouch had AIDS.”
Oscar the Grouch Dies of AIDS | Slacktory. Max Lavergne, author of “Calvin and Hobbes Die Peacefully”, writes the darkest piece of all time. I actually choked up at Elmo’s reaction. (via slacktory) WELP. Don’t forget to read it in their official Sesame Street voices.
(via nickdouglas)
“ Groupon is an awesome way to find bargains…and men. Here’s how: the site sends people different deals based on their profiles. So if you create a Groupon account for a 28 year old male, you’ll get daily e-mails with the lowdown on all the fun, cheap, and (most important) guy-filled events happening in your area.”
thewhitesade: A few choice excerpts from Cosmopolitan’s “Where to Meet Your Future Boyfriend”. This is straight up CRAZY. This is a Kate Hudson movie right? FUCKING HELL COSMO. I mean, can’t they just strip out all the written pieces and just have hot nood guy pix? I mean, that’s all we read it for amirite ladies? (and the fucked up ‘doctor advice’: “My labia iz like 6inches long- am I ~normal~???”)
