Posts tagged Faggot
10 Sexy Ways to Let your Workmates Know You a Faggot
2010 was a V spicy year filled with hundreds of work drunk-ing, and an endless list of ways I let my co-workers know that I like to make sausages fight. Two years later, I’ve started a new job, and it’s important to get the word out fast that you like to watch men hurt each other. Here’s some quick SEXY ways to FLIRT-ILY let them know u a FGGT:
- Change your email signature to have neato descriptors, like “Marshall Lorenzo | Rockford Peach”, “Marshall Lorenzo | Santa Scott-Claus”, and “Marshall Lorenzo | Bish Disher”
- Instead of saying “I’m really busy right now”, try “I’m really Busy Phillips right now”
- Pink everything
- P!nk everything
- That Smiths song that’s playing is not “That Smiths Song” it’s “The theme song to ‘Charmed’!!!”
- Try and communicate key points as Donatella Versace would: with backup dancers
- Pretend not to know how to use the printer. Laugh and giggle while you bend over trying to jam the paper in and out, and exclaim “I’m such a stupid slut!”
- Say you need to leave early on Wednesdays because “Woody’s has a 2 for 1 margarita special and Thursdays are not an option now that Jaden works Thursdays and WHY HASN’T HE APOLOGISED FOR WHAT HE DID??? DOES HE THINK I CAN’T FUCKING SEE HIS TWEETS???”
- You can’t eat salads because you’re on an all air diet, because you’re such a Martha Dumptruck right now. Cry for four days
- Wooden floors are a runway. Every once in a while, fall over on them ala Bradshaw. Cry for four days
Follow these LUSTY examples and with a few days, they’ll know FOR SURE who you bat for, and maybe if you’re a catcher! Unless of course anyone you work with has EYES. U stupid fggt.
“I’M FIONA, WELCOME TO YOUR PARTY. LET’S GO BE GIRLS! ” (via lambtime) Parker Posey was so good in this movie!
Parker Posey was so good in all movies ever made even the ones she wasn’t in, simply by existing like a giant lady-faggot who eats soul-bagels for breakfast (soul bagels are just the souls of people who aren’t even).
I’m watching an old episode of SNL; Ian McKellen and Kylie Minogue, and here he is, the lil faggot, sitting on the stage clapping away to ‘Can’t Get You Out of My Head’. This is awesome. How did I not know he was gay??? What am I even. I am not even.
‘Down In It’ (Nine Inch Nails Cover) - Tiga. (via variegate & absurdlakefront) Oh God! In my recent quest to listen to Jennifer Paige’s ‘Crush’ on repeat in my travels (while simultaneously imagining it as my parody version of it from when it came out - “it’s just, a little flush’”), I totally forgot about the importance of listening to Tiga. It’s very important!
N’Sync - ‘It’s Gonna Be Me’. The first 3 seconds and I just… I just reverberate across the rom. (‘rom’ - Queens English. Meaning: ‘room’. See: Maxwell Sheffield)
The Vines - ‘Get Free’. Jesus Marshall, when people ask “What are you listening to”. Don’t say “The Charlies Angels: Full Throttle Original Motion Picture Soundtrack”. Just “The Vines” is fine. Just “The Vines” is fine…
Wikipedia: Allegra Coleman
Allegra Coleman was a fictional celebrity invented by writer Martha Sherrill for the purposes of a hoax magazine article. Model Ali Larter portrayed the imaginary model in Sherrill’s feature which appeared in Esquire (November 1996).
The incident jump-started Ali Larter’s acting career, and she went on to many TV shows, movies (Legally Blonde, Final Destination) and the role of Niki Sanders in NBC’s Heroes.
AH - NO - the incident that jump-started Ali Larter’s career in MY mind, was that bitch Chutney Vandermark accusing her of homicide, DUH Right?
So! I was channeling Rene from ‘Party Girl’ the other day (NO FUCKING TEDDY ROGERS) lamenting over the quality of Melbourne’s gay nights. There’s the one extreme - The Peel (trashy pop, mainstay of the scene) and then there’s parties like ‘Grouse’, that are on the other end of the spectrum (Hipster). All I wanted, ALL I FUCKING WANTED, was some Spice Girls, Taylor Dayne, and maybe a little Willow Smith. So I sez to Dean I sez - WE’RE STARTING OUR OWN PARTY, AND WE’RE CALLING IT ‘VERSAYSE’. Why? Because while she (the party) might look classy, she’s not, she can’t even fucking pronounce ‘Versace’ correctly. When does it start? Soon. Follow @youdontnomi on Twitter for updates and glimpses of the music selection, and also, duh, Facebook. Let’s get our faggot ON.
Prepare yourself...
For a very…VERY good Madonna and Cher impression. And later… Wynona.
It took me forever to make this stupid gif
It’s Kristen Wiig’s reaction to Rose Byrne saying “Did you just come from work?”
There are two corner stores of equal walking distance. One however is quite large, while the second store is pricier. You would think the former would be an obvious choice… but when you walk in to the pricier one to get your Gatorade and Fruit Loops, and this song comes on - it hermetically seals you to the business in ways beyond the physical. It took me at least 3 minutes to figure out what the song was when it started playing. Was it Backstreet Boys? Was it Steps ‘One for Sorrow?’ No. It became glaringly obvious to me when I instinctively did a slow forward shoulder shimmy towards the cereal aisle. “Oh. I know what this is”.
