“911 emergency, how can I help you ma’am”

Oh hi, um, I’d like to report a raping. “Yes ma’am. Can you tell me what happened?” Well, I don’t really know, I mean, it was a blur… I was just standing there making a cawfee in the kitchenette, and the next thing I know my face hit the floor. I heard a loud stomping noise and turned around to see him pounding the ground with his heels like a bull. The freezer door was open and he had grabbed a bite-sized Moritz Ice-cream. He screamed at full volume and threw the entire thing into his huge mouth, which appeared to be engorged and drooling everywhere, like, well… like my vageen. “What? Ma’am, can you describe the attacker please? Did he rape you?” Yes, well, he was very large. Huge gorilla like arms and the biggest stomach I have ever seen in my life. He was wearing an N’sync greatest hits T-shirt that was bursting at the seams, and ironically, ‘skinny jeans’. I was so scared. “MA’AM, DID HE RAPE YOU?” Not me…*sob* Moritz… *sob*. That ice-cream was my son.