January 2012
“A woman called 911 because her cats ate her Whopper and she wanted another one.”
– If cats eat your hamburger, don’t call 911 (via blaaargh) SCIENCE: You do NOT call 911 after a cat eats your Whopper, you want the police long-fucking-gone before they discover your skinned and hanged cat, with it’s intestines spelling out “HAVE IT YOUR WAY”
December 2011
forwhenifeellikesharing asked: Where's your original cuntent?
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New info: Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises →
imwithkanye: New details emerge about The Dark Knight Rises with one key spoiler (be warned) in an interview with Anne Hathaway.
“Gotham City is a war zone. A ruthless madman named Bane has ripped away any sense of security and the citizens, haggard and clutching suitcases with refugee anxiety, sit behind barbed wire waiting to see what will blow up next. A hooded prisoner is dragged in –...
Rob Delaney: TITLES CONSIDERED for MISSION... →
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: LOAF PARAGRAPH
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: PLOP CENTRIFUGE
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: CUNT SULLIVAN
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: BEEF PAMPHLETEER
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: FROST DEBUTANTE
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: BITCH NIGGAPLEEZ
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: MITCH CALIBRATE
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: FERN GABLETOOTH
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: PEACH BOTTLETOP
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: NORTH WIGGLEDOWN
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: FOAM...
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Anonymous asked: CHRIST MARSHALL IM ALMOST AS GOOD AS YOU ON THE INTERNET,WERE ARE YOU AND YOU AND ARE YOU AND MERRY CHRISTMAS LOVE YOU
Sonic Running Like An Idiot →
(via terkuma | ianbrooks:) Sonic Running Like An Idiot
Zac Gorman had a vision: one of Sonic running like he’s a friggin moron. Nedroid then incited the masses to contribute their own. And thusly, an Internet Meme is birthed all sprawling and arms flailing about, unable to control its legs, into the world. There’s a whole tumblr of them at http://dumbrunningsonic.tumblr.com/
Very good...
Come watch me do some stand-up tonight... →
If you’re in Toronto, come see this: ‘The Girl With the Globe Tattoo’. Hosted by the hilarious Heidi Brander. It’s a fundraiser for Alex Brown, to raise money for homeless youth, but also to give him a trashy tattoo! (v important, if not, more-so)
Alex Brown has declared that if he can raise $3000 for homeless youth, he will get Dean McArthur’s name tattooed on his body...
“well i don’t “Believe in god” i have zero idea how everythign...”
– Louis C.K on Reddit
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Hi Lauren, →
I found your email by using Google and a lock of your hair tied around my finger. I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages. Keep in mind that this may sound harsh, inconsiderate, socially awkward, psychotic, and creepy, but that’s how emailing people comes accross, and you won’t answer your bedroom...
“my 7-year-old sister: When I get married I’m gonna have a blue dress, with...”
– I’m 27. I’m 27. I know nothing.
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Aisha Tyler.
If you read this drivel every so often, then you understand one of my many life struggles: ‘Aisha Tyler’. Remember on 30 Rock when Liz and Matt Damon fought on his plane, and they had that fake NBC show on the flight, ‘Gals on the Town’? That was pretty expertly cast right? But when I saw Aisha’s name on this fake sitcom I furrowed my brow pretty hard. That is DAMN...
Parents Keep Deceased Son's Memory Alive Through... →
imwithkanye:
When their son, Geoff, passed away, Mary and Steve Patterson decided to honor his memory by keeping up Geoff’s Tumblr where he made fun of shitbirds, fatties, and asswipes. [Onion]