February 2010
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George Michael - ‘Faith’ (via wamiv)...
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“If there’s smoke, there’s fagget”
– A little saying I have, for when a girlfriend suspects a friend of theirs might be gay
January 2010
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Parks and Recreation:
The combination of April and Ron get’s me wet.
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Beyonce ft Shakira - ‘Beautiful Liar’....
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SO NOW I’M IN A PRESSURE TUBE?
I had to back to Dr. effing Spaceman, and he informed me that the ‘air bubbles’ in my leg need to be ‘massaged out’ (GIVE THIS GUY A BONUS???) So he gave me one of those pressure tube bandage/stocking things - and on the sly – can I just tell you how much I LOVE THEM. The feeling is EXQUISITE. That slight pressure on my limbs UNF. like – we used to wear knee high socks as part of our uniform at...
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“What really knocks me out is a book, when you’re all done reading it, you wished...”
– Holden Caulfield (via goldenfiddle) For my Design board when I was in High School I did a fictional ‘Catcher in the Rye’ movie as a means of combining my English work and my design work in one. Okay so that’s a half truth - I stayed in design class mostly so I could perv on Alan...
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Culture Beat - ‘Mr. Vain’
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Nurse: Okay we should probably shave your leg before we apply this bandaging. Is that OK?
Me: Oh yeah it’s fine – I shave
Nurse *looking at unshaven legs and unshaven face*: You’re…. talking about your face?
Me: … yes. Yes my face. I shave my face.
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So I DID go to the doctor
Had X-rays and such - he said I have Whiplash and a mild case of tissue emphysema. Good work Marshall! Had the leg been fractured it would have been the third time i’d fractured something while under the influence of alcohol. Someone write a goddamn song about me. ♪ I’ve started all reaaaaaadyyyy ♫
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verbsnouns asked: so i just wanted to say that if i lived in new zealand i would hope that we would be good friends because there has yet to be a post where i don't laugh for a retarded amount of time. the old simpsons references really get me. k bye
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La Bouche - ‘Be My Lover’. DANCE...
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“You have gone too far. You have married Fester, you have destroyed his spirit,...”
– Morticia Addams / Life coach / Sister-girlfriend.
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Should I go to a doctor?
I don’t really wanna say much about my Saturday night in Sydney - but i’m bruised and scratched on my knees, elbows, coccyx, the back of my head - and my left shin has a huge gash in it and is all swollen. This is not the behavior of a twenty-five year old grown man. I need to make some serious changes in my life. Starting with nixxing the breaking and entering : /
OH AND BY THE...
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“You meet a man at party and have a fantastic conversation. He blows you away...”
– Mo’nique to Vivica Fox (via chainletter2) Hahaha…
…yes. Yes I would.
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blaaargh:
Lady Gaga & Beyonce —...
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danielbritain asked: do I remember you saying that you are (part?) maori? does that affect your life in any way? do you even consider yourself maori? sorry this question is not about your cock. (OR IS IT?)
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“I had too much Demerol like Michael Jackson did and my breathing was five...”
– Heidi Montag on being ‘like almost dead’ (via folkinz) I hope you are ALL paying attention to what’s going on with Heidi Montag right now. Did you see her plastic surgeries? Shit is awesome - bitch is going from strength to strength. She’s going to start depending on drugs now, right?...
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CONNOISSEURS
Earlier this morning (3am) on a McDonalds run, my roommate and I discovered the trifecta. Beef, Chicken and Fish - Filet O fish combo, Big Mac combo, and 6 pack of nuggets. We stumbled home, got out our finest dinnerware and cut the meals into halves - a platter of ECSTASY. How can I eat ANYTHING else knowing that I’ve reached the trifecta? What an awakening.
True story.
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“I just want a shirt that has a rainbow and the words “swearing is the best!”...”
– Caragh. I could get on board with this. DEFINITELY heavy on the cunt. I’m also a fan of cunt-pairing: “You shit-cunt!” “Hey cunt-fuck”, and also “Faggot-cunt”. BLACK LIGHT ATTACK!
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schwenk-deactivated20111211 asked: I'm a member of Cakebread wines and definitely have developed my own Sauvignon obsession. I've been known also to drink it literally from the bottle on the occasion that I'm out of wine glasses and measuring cups. At what point does your dignity come in second to your desire for wine?
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Old couple have fight on the street… →
Old woman: I will mess you up!
Old man: NIGGER CUNT
Old woman: Fuck off bitch. Don’t fucking touch me – you might have AIDS
Old man: You go and sleep with the niggers
Oh dad!
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Today my friend Angela had a beer with Prince...
Seriously. The perfect date? How can you beat that? My roommates response: “What the fuck??? WHAT THE FUCK? HOW? FUCK HER? The first thing tomorrow morning i’m gonna punch her in the back of the head”
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avedanke:
Kid Cudi feat. MGMT & Ratatat...
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danielbritain asked: what are your favorite 1) alcoholic drinks, 2) diet methods, and 3) types of boys?
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Watch‘Barry’ starring Brian Petsos and Kristen Wiig. You don’t see this at all in the video - but IRL Brian Petsos has amazing hair. Shiny, thick, black, dapper situation all up there. Unfair not to share your debonair hair, care bear.
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Packing a Musket, by Jerri Blank
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
neverforgets:
When you work from your home and johns call on the phone, you’re a call girl.
When you walk till you limp and give a cut to a pimp, you’re a street whore.
When they’re begging ya “please,” to get down on your knees, near their groinage, ‘scusa me, but ya see, don’t ya touch where they pee, without coinage.
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“Before you worked here were you an ass scientist? Because your ass...”
– Tracy Jordan