January 2009
2 tags
Reasons WHY Morocco is better than Egypt:
Le Francais Berber people Hot Berber people Women, human women Camel whispering My new camel friend ‘Cameron’ Camel herders with bangin faces and man arms fuck le chocolat les baguettes Showers are labeled ‘douche’ THERE WERE MONKEYS I fed one of the monkeys It screeched A baby cried Then Maggie laughed She’s such a little trooper COUS COUS ICED...
Jan 31st
11 notes
2 tags
CHRIST MOROCCO IS MAGIC
I have no times for the tumbling. IL N’YA PAS DU TEMPSSSSS
Jan 31st
3 notes
2 tags
Jan 25th
194 notes
3 tags
“I can’t even find the colon”
– No seriously, where is the colon key on these fucking french keyboards?
Jan 25th
AH MERDE, zey ave ze french keyboaaarrds en...
I cqnnot type qnything becquse qll the fucking keys qre in different plqces. ZISS IS AN OUTRQGGGEE. CQLL JACQUE COUSTEUQ. BAGUETTE. BOEUUUUFFFFFFFF. CAFFEEEEEEEEEEEE. LA FENETREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 25th
20 notes
3 tags
Jan 24th
6 notes
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“The climactic battle takes place at the Giza pyramid complex, where a temple is...”
– The basic plot of Transformers 2. REALLY? So the battle takes place right next to a Pizza Hut and a KFC? Seriously they’re RIGHT NEXT to the pyramids. MAGICAL EGYPT.
Jan 24th
3 notes
2 tags
And a year later, look what happened...
Jon Ronson: So what will become of the Spice Girls once England is under Islamic rule?
Omar Bakri Muhammad: They will be destroyed
Jon Ronson: *looking at Geri's dress on a billboard* And the Union Jack?
Omar Bakri Muhammad: IT WILL BE DESTROYED TOO
Jan 24th
2 tags
Jan 24th
3 tags
Ahahahahaha, oh fuckin GAY →
Jan 24th
2 tags
“Salam. Praise Allah and the Scientology aliens that will pick you up much later”
– b@arabfox.com. THE FUCK?
Jan 24th
Bye Egypt, you fuck.
CHRIST. Three weeks of this shitty country was too much. Yeah, I suppose you are supposed to gush about the beauty of it’s history and the wonder of the pyramids and all that shit. And sure, it’s a completely different culture that I obviously don’t understand. But I’ll tell you what I DO understand, and you can tell me if I’m an ignorant fuck and should go...
Jan 24th
8 notes
2 tags
Jan 22nd
2 tags
“What’s the point in living if you don’t have a dick?”
– Donnie Darko
Jan 22nd
2 tags
Um, sailing down the Nile in the sun for two days...
Soundtrack: ‘Ladyhawke - Magic’. Drink: Gin and juice. Pants: none.
Jan 22nd
2 tags
Why working at a video store is the BEST job ever:
There’s no customer service involved. You can use a ‘Robot voice’ when transacting You get to say things like: “Oh ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’? Good for you” Imitating their account face-shots are fun Account notes: “THIS GUY IS BANGIN’” / “CHECK OUT HER MO” Playing the Michelle Pfeiffer/Catwoman ‘falling from a building...
Jan 19th
20 notes
2 tags
Jan 18th
16 notes
3 tags
Jan 18th
2 tags
“I had cancer three years ago - if you get through that, you want to try other...”
– LIKE GOING ON WHAT WILL BE THE SHITTEST TOP MODEL SHOW EVER?
Jan 18th
4 tags
Oh Christ, there is actually going to be a 'NZ's...
OK I get the fact that it’s cheaper to just buy these shows and that apparently NZ’ers lap this shit up. But good lord I am sick of all these gameshows/reality shows. We are SERIOUSLY lacking in decent local dramas/comedies. And while I’m sure Outrageous Fortune is fucking expensive to make, it IS a huge hit. GET ON IT. And while you’re at it, can you get a new gay...
Jan 18th
2 tags
Jan 18th
Niki compares the coins of Australia and NZ →
Neglecting the fact that Australian notes like taking it in the butt. Gayest currency EVER.
Jan 18th
1 tag
Jan 16th
2 tags
Are you a homophobe if you are grossed out by gays...
“I am not a homophobe, but seeing two guys kiss makes me extremely uncomfortable.” - Stupidinboston “I’ll say it: Stupidinboston, you’re a homophobe. Even if it’s just a little bit. This is an example of what homophobia can be: Thinking there’s something abnormal or gross when two gay people express affection. Self-awareness doesn’t excuse it.” -...
Jan 16th
2 tags
“All I want is a life of Pokémon and Cola”
– I said this when I was 15? Sigh… what happened?
Jan 16th
3 tags
Jan 16th
3 tags
So in case your wondering where the hell I've...
Amman, Jordan: Amazing. Jerusalem, Israel: Qaussi-boho but cold as BUTT Tel-Aviv, Israel: Miami-esque FAGGOT capital. SEXUAL. Eilat, Israel: Meh Dahab, Egypt: OH MY GOD. Just, sun + booze + water Petra, Jordan: Did you SEE the American on the donkey? Aqaba, Jordan: FAGGOTS-GALORE, OH GOD. Cairo, Egypt: ‘Best city in the world’? Fuck that shit. USE A CLEANEX Luxor, Egypt: Tombs...
Jan 16th
2 tags
Jan 16th
3 tags
Fuck Egypt man, I gotta drop off some mysterious...
Jan 15th
4 tags
“Hey, HEY. Cassanova! You look like Tom Cruise!”
– Some punk kid in the Luxor markets today. Insult?
Jan 15th
2 tags
I have been in the effing desert for two days.
NOT the ‘dessert’ as I had read on the itinerary. SAND EFFING BLOWS YOU GUYS. Literally. Like, there are NO facilities. There was no way in HELL I was going to shit in the fucking desert right, so I took one of those diarrhea pills that clogs your pipes for a wee while. Anyway I haven’t shit in four days, seriously. OBESITY. On a more serious note though, it was pretty amazing...
Jan 14th
3 tags
Jan 9th
5 tags
This lack of hard boning has to be stopped.
No gays. None. Just the one that looked retarded back in Aqaba. I really don’t MAN-CHEST know what to do, like, I need to be touched, people - all I can think about are flashes of dirty, dirty, nasty things. We’re going to PENIS go out tonight, but we’re in Cairo, and i’m ASS-FUCK getting the same vibe as I was in the rest of the middle east, ie, no gay. Like, at first they...
Jan 9th
2 tags
“I’m a tolerant man.”
– Me, lying
Jan 9th
3 tags
Jan 9th
10 notes
3 tags
Sometimes I can't tell if a guy is gay or...
Seriously, this guy was walking down the street towards us and his arms were flailing everywhere. I was like, “Oh God, is he okay? It’s dark out, should we help him? Does he need…” and then he gave the gayest fuckin rape eyes, and I was like “SHUT IT DOWN”.
Jan 8th
3 tags
“Attention Homeowners”
– When I was 14 there used to be this bank loan ad on TV where this guy with a shitty NZ accent would yell out ‘ATTENTION HOMEOWNERS’, I would always stop what I was doing and look because every time it sounded like ‘ATTENTION HOMOS’.
Jan 4th
5 tags
ATTENTION HOMEOWNERS:
Nd dick. In Egypt. HALP. A bisexual tried it on, but I rully hate the sarlacc pitt.
Jan 4th
3 tags
Jan 4th
15 notes
4 tags
KIRSTIE ALLEY GOES ON HOLIDAY
HI Y’ALL. I ATE EGYPT. 17 Burgers, 192 pizzas and buckets of chups with AIOLOILLILI IN A BOWLI. SEVENTEEN THOUSAND Choclit milkshakes (read: Ice cream in a glass, cone et al). Also I tried to order some white wine: “WINE?”…. “BEEEER”…. “no… WINE”…. “BEE-EEEEEEEERRRR”. Fuck man, soon I won’t even be able to have...
Jan 4th
3 tags
“Drink More. Eat Less. Fuck Always.”
– Omars NY’s resolution. Fuck always, man. Fuck always.
Jan 4th
3 tags
Jan 3rd
2 tags
Israel is a bunch of fuck
Like, coming into Egypt via Isreal in the current political climate meant we couldn’t get visas for less than $100US. SO we’re stuck in fucking Sinai unable to get to Cairo unless we cross another border. Our only options are: risking going back into Israel OR going into Jordan. THIS IS DICKS. Okay? I am over Jordan. They’re not hot and they won’t blow me. WAR, I HATE IT....
Jan 2nd
4 tags
Jan 2nd
52 notes
4 tags
Eye On Springfield →
(via: bg5000) A tumblr that posts PURELY Simpsons content. (Kind of like my blog?) But the screencaps are GOLD. INSTANT FOLLOW. OH MY YES. EDIT: I have just read through the entire blog and, just, YES. Like they are all screencaps I’ve tried to find in the past. I am so happy right now/have had 5 beers and a long island iced tea. FASHION.
Jan 2nd
5 notes
3 tags
How to have a fucking awesome new years:
Crash the Hilton countdown party under the name ‘Johnny Engledick’.
Jan 1st
2 tags
“You know I don’t go to YOUR job and knock the dicks out of your mouth!”
– Kathy Griffin, to a heckler (via inothernews) ♥♥♥
Jan 1st
41 notes